my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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