well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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