...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
