I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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