You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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