People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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