it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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