it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she told me i tasted like america
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
