..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
