look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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