I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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