you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
