I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
