dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
