My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
zippers are such a cool invention
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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