He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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