I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
