Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Rumble strips road head = magical
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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