Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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