"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
