Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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