id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
