Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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