Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
