Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
