So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
