I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
