so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
