woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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