Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
