It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
