the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
