It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
