It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
