yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
