You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
