question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
