I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
