I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
