I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
and eventually we just all took our pants off
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
