I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just blew my weed a kiss
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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