I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
