I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
