I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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