Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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