I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
