I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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