So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
