All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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