Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
