i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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