margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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