yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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