I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
