He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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