I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
