i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
