I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
