like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
