sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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