based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
